In this episode, Jules Maloney of the Wisconsin Chapter joins me to discuss the ‘needs onion’.
This layered approach of understanding that every behavior expresses a need helps us become more self-aware and move past judgment.
Jules and I take an in-depth look at our needs as a human, discuss real-life, real-time examples of identifying our needs and how to manage those feelings and physical changes they could bring on.
Our discussion mainly focuses on going through the onion from the inside out – which helps lead us to better self-awareness. In the future, we will work the needs onion from the outside to the inside to help analyze and understand the behavior of others.
Jules is also hosting a Zoom Learning Roundtable on needs on Wednesday, October 20th – 7:00-8:30pm EST.
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Adam Salgat 0:38
Welcome to the listen first podcast. I’m your host, Adam Salgat. As our community listens transitions into the champion foundation for caring communities. This podcast will continue to be a tool to refresh the teachings of the communication skills course. It will also allow us to learn more about the people inside the organization and the businesses we partner with. In this episode, Jules Maloney of the Wisconsin chapter joins me to discuss the needs onion. This layered approach of understanding that every behavior is an expression of a need helps us create self awareness and move past judgment on others. Jules and I take an in depth look at our needs as humans discuss real life real time examples of identifying our needs, and how to manage those feelings and physical changes that could bring on our discussion this time around mainly focuses on going through the onion from the inside out, which, like I mentioned, leads to better self awareness. In the future, we will have a podcast that focuses on going from the outside in to help analyze and understand the behaviors of others. Jules is also hosting a zoom learning roundtable on needs. On Wednesday, October 20 7pm, to 8:30pm Eastern Standard Time. Check back in our podcast description for registration link. Jewels. Thanks so much for joining me on the podcast today. How’s your day going? So far?
Jules Maloney 2:11
It’s going great, Adam, I’m super excited that you invited me to join in to talk about stuff I love.
Adam Salgat 2:17
Alright, so that’s right, I asked you I said, Hey, Jules, pick anything that you want to talk about, we just want to get something as a refresher, a skill refresher for our community out there. And you brought up the needs onion. Why did you bring that up? Why is that something that you’d love to talk about? The needs
Jules Maloney 2:34
onion, for those of you who have taken any of our classes may be familiar with that name, but those of you are not, I’m going to walk you through it. So be rest assured I’m gonna explain what the needs onion is. But what I have found personally, and what I’ve heard, not only from the facilitators, but some of our partners, that this is a graphic, they go back to the regular, that there’s so many things they can start to understand as they’re learning and over time about themselves and how they interact with others, it may look like a simple graphic, but there is a lot packed in there that people can unwrap over time.
Adam Salgat 3:06
So for you, it sounds like you you like this particular graphic, because you feel like it’s, it’s got a lot of meaning and people, people come back to it often.
Jules Maloney 3:16
Yep, it’s powerful. There’s a lot that I don’t think we inherently know, captured in this simple graphic. And I’m super excited to just walk through all of the pieces to remind some folks, and I’m hoping it can also bring some nuances to it, that’ll help people open it up even more and increase their self awareness and their skill and how they engage with the world around them.
Adam Salgat 3:37
So if you’re wondering about the needs on you, and we’re gonna break that down and give you kind of this visual representation through the podcast form as much as possible in the next couple of minutes. But I think one of the key phrases that will help you remember, is or help you remember this graphic a bit is every behavior is an expression of a need. So that top layer is behavior. And then how should we How do you want to break this down? Should we start at the top and go in? Or do we start at the bottom and work our way out? What would you prefer?
Jules Maloney 4:06
It’s a good question. I think I’m gonna start from the center of the onion, and work our way out. Point, I think as people become more familiar and use this graphic over time, they can actually approach it from both directions. Maybe for ourselves, we can connect to the center of it. But if you’re trying to get curious about someone else, the first thing you’re going to see is their behavior, what I’m saying and doing then you can walk through the graphic the other way, but today, I think we’ll start
Adam Salgat 4:31
at the center. So let’s start at the center needs values. Yeah.
Jules Maloney 4:36
So the very center, we’ve got needs and values. And this is something that I’m going to break up a little bit more as we move through. But the next layer is described as attitudes. Now attitudes can be something in the moment, or it can be something across the time spectrum. And I think for today, I’ll use examples that touch on both spaces because our attitude might be different if we’re low resource late, late. For work have a lot of deadlines, it’s going to influence our attitude. But then there’s our general attitude as a human being the layer on top of that are behavioral tendencies. So for anyone who’s gone through our, our, our committee listens training certainly understands disk. And that we have behavioral tendencies, these shape our responses to our needs. The next layer, in the graphic I’m looking at is the color yellow. So some people refer to it as sort of the Golden arch because it has the word choice in it, we have choice on how we respond to the stimulus that we’re experiencing in the world, the more we know, the more skillful we can be in that golden arch, it is very powerful. And then the last layer is what’s the outcome, what is the behavior that we do choose to demonstrate the golden arch being how much consciousness is there, because sometimes people skip that layer, and they go to the behavior. And we want to bring them back to let’s be really careful about what those behaviors are, and choose wisely. So those are the layers. And when we can really connect to this piece, I think, why I love it so much, is it invites me to be much more self aware, and move past judgment. And that’s the biggest thing, it’s very easy to judge myself and judge others based on that outer layer of behavior. But if I understand more about the centerpiece, what are their needs, and what are their values, I’m more likely to soften and move past judgment. And for me, personally, I get more curious and creative about how we can understand each other. Now, I’m not saying this is easy, because it isn’t. It’s a practice, it’s a muscle, it’s lifelong. And there’s so many other things that influence it. But I think if we understand these layers, we can be skillful humans who can move towards connection and understanding and pass that judgment. So let me break it down a little bit for you. The words, values and needs are at the center, and they’re closely linked, but I’m actually going to open this up a little bit more and invite people to take it deeper from my own personal experience of this. Sure. So it’ll help you be much more conscious and aware of how you move through it. So I like to think of needs as being kind of the thread that sews together my values over time. And again, they are closely connected, and the needs make up my values. And these influence how I personally show up in my daily life. So the needs that show up more frequently for me, they tend to rise to the top of how I interact with people, I call up kind of the cream of the crop, those shaped my values. So when we think about needs, there’s this universal set of needs. And I want to say there are some cultural differences. And I’m going to speak generally to the audience that we might be interacting with might be familiar with North American cultural behaviors, maybe one might call Western cultural behavior. So needs are generally similar across the board. Values, however, are our own unique constellation, that are made up of those universal needs, they’re still there, I can get what your values are, because we haven’t seen needs. But that cream of the crop for you is going to be different than the cream of the crop for me.
Adam Salgat 8:07
Can you give me some detail or examples of needs? Like when you were talking about this universal needs? I mean, I have some idea, I’m assuming something like safety would be a need, maybe potential for nourishment? Like I mean, like food, some basic needs. So are we talking about those at this level? That kind of basic, some simple human needs. And then when we’re talking about Western culture, maybe they start to morph into other things. Is that potential?
Jules Maloney 8:37
Yeah. And I won’t spend too much time talking about the cultural differences. Sure. Most of us are familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, right? So at the very base level, we’re looking at physical needs, do we have food? Do we have shelter? Do we have safety? Do we have clothing, do we have a place to sleep, when those needs are met, then we can kind of get to that next level. So we move to security needs that may be love and connections, esteem, purpose and meaning as we get up that that hierarchy and at the very top is self actualization. And the reason it’s a pyramid is if those bottom layers aren’t met, we can’t get to the top. Think about if your life is suddenly taken over by a situation where maybe your house has a fire and you can’t stay in your house. Your focus now gets to the bottom of that hierarchy of needs, where you are focused on shelter and safety and those basic needs for you and your family. You’re not spending time working on self actualization, you are focused on that basic piece. So we can all get that we get you know what, I’m not going to ask Adam to do this thing because Adam is focused on these core things right now. It’s consuming his world. So I’m gonna have understanding in that, and hopefully we can have that understanding for ourselves. So that’s Maslow, someone that we’re commonly exposed to. Now, there’s another psychologist named Marshall Rosenberg, and he says that there’s basically seven needs connection, physical wellbeing, honesty, play peace, autonomy and meaning.
Adam Salgat 10:10
Interesting. Yeah. I was just commenting. I mean, those are interesting because they’re, it’s, those are the things that are a little bit more emotional, some of them feel a little bit more emotional and less, for lack of a better term animalistic, like the idea of just meeting like your basic baseline needs are a little bit more that, to me, sounds like a level up of connection to humans connections to
Jules Maloney 10:30
self. Yep, exactly. We are complex beings, right. And so those are seven categories. We know, things are much more nuanced. So if you think about, I’ll give you an example. The need for connection can be nuanced into so many different ways. So for example, there’s the need for belonging, I think about sports here. Now, we all want to know that there’s a place that we can go where we’re accepted. And I’m not a sports person. And I used to be really judgmental of people walking around town all wearing I live in Wisconsin, the Packers, the brewers are all of that, because it just wasn’t a place for me to feel a sense of belonging. But once I understood that, if somebody’s got a packer shirt on, and they go somewhere, and someone else has a packer shirt on, there’s an instant connection, like we are both fans, we’ve got something we can talk about there is this sense of belonging, and that softened my judgment of sports. So that’s all about connection. Now, there’s also companionship, that’s a nuanced piece of connection. We all want someone who we trust and enjoy being with and sharing life experiences with how about mutuality, that is a nuanced need of connection, I think about work, I like working with people who have similar ways of being at work, similar ideas about how we do our work, we have a mutual perspective on that. So that nourishes my sense of connection. What about support, that’s a nuanced of connection, someone might know me well enough that they can see something’s going on. And they show up in a way that just provides a steady hand in my world, or maybe even a hand up. So having people in my life that meet my need for connection, in more nuanced ways, is a powerful way to see it, to understand ourselves, and then to not only communicate it, but maybe ask for what we need, maybe Adam, you’re needing some support in your life, having someone that you can talk to to give you some guidance on something, to be able to speak that to another person, like, Hey, I could use some support. And here’s the specific ways in which that might be, is that something you’re willing to do, you’re able to express yourself and meet your needs. So my whole point here is going back to that center onion, so we have our needs, there’s a lot going on there, there are many needs, the more we can understand them, the more we can choose our behaviors, and the more we can build connection. Here’s another way to think about needs. I like to think of them as an equalizer on an old school stereo, remember those that have like, all the little columns that start with green go up to red, and then throughout a song, they’re going up and down all the time. Think about my daily life like that I have all these needs lined up. And throughout the day, they’re going up and down, some stay in the green all day long, some might move up into the yellow, showing that that need is stimulated right now needs my attention. Maybe something’s going on. And I need to have a conversation so that I can get clarity with someone, and then it might move up into the red. And that saying it needs my attention. Whether I take an action to meet that need, or I just accept it for what it is, is an important thing. So needs are not static. They’re constantly shifting and changing. And the more we can understand it, the more we can choose. So there’s a lot that we can dig into and understanding our needs. So let me just give you some some examples. So we all have a need for meaning, and what we do what we say and how we live our lives. That’s kind of a universal mean. Part of that a nuance of meaning is self expression. Being in a world where we don’t have the choice to have self expression, I don’t want to live in that world. Nuance need. So my own unique expression is based on my own unique lived experience in life. And I want to know that I can share that and there’s space for that in this world. But for me, I take it even further I have a need for creative self expression. So Adam, you can see me right now folks who are listening cannot. Right now, I have on big blue glasses of white polka dots. I also happen to have on a blue shirt with white polka dots, and I have my nose pierced in three places. So I like to express myself not only visually, but I also tend to express myself creatively with my words, my language, and I tend to be a little more creative and playful at work and how we interact with people. So this actually becomes a value for me one of my top values is creative expression, that you can see it you can hear it and I prioritize that I want to be In spaces, where my need for creative expression is met, and it’s so nourishing to be in a workplace, or a community, or group of friends, where that is welcomed and that need is met. So that’s one example. But let’s talk a little bit about stability. And what that can look like. So stability can be many things, it can be emotional stability, it can be relationship stability, it can be financial stability. So sometimes we just have to accept it for where it is. So I understand that this is something you can connect with right now.
Adam Salgat 15:33
It is something I can connect with right now. This week is my last week, at my part time position with the community center that I worked for in Midland. It’s a position this direct position I’ve held for five years, and I’ve worked for the organization since I was 20 years old. So this is my 17th year and this so I’m stepping into uncharted two territory for me, where I will not have a check coming from them for the first time and basically my entire entire adult life. So when it comes to stability, that is a financial earthquake in a way to my stability. However, I prepared for that earthquake over the last few years. I mean, this has been something that I’ve wanted to do, it’s been something I’ve been growing into. It’s been something I’ve been financially preparing for, as I step away from a guaranteed 20 hours a week, certain pay rate, I know that I have money in the bank to help support me as I step into going full time post production work my side, my side business, but I it’s still you mentioned something in there emotional stability. I have very strong emotional stability normally, but leaving this position has been 17 years of commitment, and relationships, and just so much growth, and the opportunities that they gave me, I wouldn’t be where I am, I wouldn’t have the retirement fund that I have. If it wasn’t for them, I would have never put money away for retirement. Unless they would have said to me when I was 22 years old, hey, we offer a 401 K, do you want to put a little bit in there? Sure. I said yes. It’s the best decision I ever made that didn’t have any idea that I would ever make you know what I mean? It would have never happened if I didn’t have an organization that cared for people first, emotional stability right now is a little bit shaky as well. That week is gonna be kind of tough to like, navigate through. And you mentioned one more thing and stability, about relationship. I have a great relationship with my wife. It’s a healthy, solid relationship. So that makes all of this other instability. palatable. And you know, right now, and you were talking about needs of self expression, there is a high need. And I don’t remember exactly how you put it, but the need for growth, like right now, I’m looking at my neighbor growth as a little bit more important than my need for financial stability.
Jules Maloney 18:01
Absolutely. So I’m hearing so much Patton’s example. And I want to do two things first, and this, to understand some of the other tools that we use to connect to understanding our needs. The first thing I want to ask you is, when you were talking about that, what did you notice in your body? Were you feeling anything, any tension or restriction or anything in your body when you were talking about that?
Adam Salgat 18:24
A little bit of tightness in the neck or in the lungs? A little bit of that, like, almost choked up feeling but not quite. I know that coming though. There’s a goodbye party on Wednesday. And I already said I’m probably wearing my glasses and stuff my contact because I don’t think I’m gonna make my way through without crying. So I, I already Yes, from a body of physical presence. Yeah, I can feel I can feel that emotion builds up a little bit in me.
Jules Maloney 18:50
The reason I asked that is because our bodies are giving us information all the time. You know, our feelings and our needs, they live in our body. And this is an in for folks pay attention to your body. It’s telling you when you have a met or unmet need. So it’s a wonderful tool to notice. Now the next thing I wanted to ask you is when you were telling me that about this transition that you’re about to make, what were some feelings that you can identify like one or two?
Adam Salgat 19:15
Well, I’ve said this earlier to a friend when we were chatting about I’m excited and I’m sad. Like it’s really like it’s even past excited like it’s aesthetic, joyous, like I am very ready to like create my own space, find more work if I need it. But I have built such a good word of mouth groundwork that I got an email today about a potential photography gig so I mean, I know it’s there but I’m also ready to really fight for it and push for it if I need to. Like I know I’m ready to do those things. But same time I’m sad because for two reasons. One, financial stability is part of it. It is I’m sad that that is something I know I need to let go in order to grow Oh, because there’s some fear along with it. But I’m, I’m also sad because of the relationships that people that I kind of leaving behind or just leaving, not leaving behind per se, but because I don’t like the idea of behind as if I’m moving forward and they’re not I have found myself trying to not say leave behind,
Jules Maloney 20:21
it’s shifting, the connection is shifting,
Adam Salgat 20:23
that’s a great way to put it. So like I have a lot of those relationships with people and just easy relationships too, right? Like people I’ve worked with for six plus seven plus years that we just step right into it. And we know where we need to go, we know what we need to do, we know how to work together, we can bounce ideas off each other, and we know who’s going to take on what. So there’s sadness in that space of not having those connections with those people anymore.
Jules Maloney 20:47
And so the reason I asked you what your feeling is, because that is another way to connect to your needs. Our feelings are a manifestation of a need being met, or not being met general. So when you said you’re feeling some sadness, it’s that, that shifting away from a connection to friends, and that sense of community, that that sense of companionship is going to be changing. So there’s some mourning they’re mourning is actually a neat, like, it’s a universal need that humans need to be able to do. So having that need for mourning met. And that potential need for the same kind of companionship and connection will be there as you transition. And then the other piece about stability you shared, you can see how there’s so many needs in one situation, and you were able to pull out several really important ones, your need for learning and growth sounds like it’s super high to advance your career to step more fully into these skills. And that needs your attention. Your need for financial stability is just as important. But you’re willing to set aside a little bit right now to give more of your energy to your need for growth and learning and manifesting this work world. So the reason I mentioned that is that you can see that need for financial stability and say, I see you, I love you, you’re me, you matter. All right, now, I’m going to put more of my energy into this piece, I’m not forgetting about you, because you know that that financial stability needs to happen. But I know in order for me to get back to that financial stability, I’ve got to grow. So we’re not putting one necessarily as better or worse, or that they all have to be met all the time, we’re going to shift our energy sometimes that we can put it where it needs to be in that moment. And I will say that sometimes we have needs that we just have to accept won’t be met for a while. And that’s a tough one, they still exist, they still matter. So I’ll give you an example. For me personally, when I left my marriage, and I moved into going to school, I had two kids to raise and take care of I knew being a solo parent, and going to school meant a lot of time. And so I was not willing to step into building more companionship in my life, because I had only so much energy to put full on my kids. And so I looked at that need. And I said I see you, I love you. But I’m not putting my energy towards that later on in time, once I was really secure in my parenting as a single parent, and move further in going back to school, my education, I could then put energy towards that. So we’re not fighting to have our needs met all the time. But when we can see it and name it, then we can take very clear steps on how to behave around it. So if I go back to that needs on that graphic, and we take a look at our two examples, when you know at the center of your needs and your values is that growth in the skills of push productions and a really kind of step in that space, and see how you can contribute in that world with those skills, your attitudes around that, you know, they’re probably excited you set in, you’re a little scared, there’s little sadness, but there’s kind of this, I need to do this. Your behavioral tendencies are going to influence what you do next. Do you mind sharing what your disc behavioral tendencies are?
Adam Salgat 24:08
I’m a I’m a split between an eye and a C and S. Kind of but, but it’s interesting to sometimes when I’ve always thought about that, and like I really enjoy being my own business owner, which in the stereotypical you would think maybe that’s a high D, someone who is in charge and wants to be in charge. But what I’ve realized with the type of work that I do, I like to work with organizations that need help. So I know that I can step in and I can help them. So I’m meeting that that would be the I category right?
Jules Maloney 24:42
I believe. I think it can be both ins just how it shows up. Yeah,
Adam Salgat 24:46
yeah. So I like stepping into that space. And I like stepping into a space where they have directive meaning there’s maybe a marketing director, someone who I’m going to be working directly with someone that is going to guide me than just the idea of like, what do they You know, they know kind of what they want. I like being creative, but I also like being given a direction. So because I like because I feel like sometimes creativity thrives when it’s put in a box, and it’s told get out of the box, as opposed to, here’s the whole world, go do whatever you want to do. It’s all up to you, you know, go go. So we’ve chatted on that actually, like, Mike this Barris and misty and I have chatted on that before. And I just mentioned that. So what I mean is, even though I’m owning my own business, and you think that might be a de ne being spread across, like kind of icns makes sense to me, because of the type of work I know, I go find, I go find work where they need directive help, I’m able to, you know, take charge, and I know certain things and I can solve, you know, motivate. But that’s where my, I kind of spread evenly across those three.
Jules Maloney 25:51
And I heard those tendencies and how you’re describing what you were doing, you know, there’s that excitement, of moving into this new expression, this new thing that’s fresh way of showing up every day, you know, you’re moving past this thing you’ve been doing for 17 years that you care about, you care about the people there, I’m hearing those s tendencies, right. And then you have a kind of structure that you’re longing for and how you do it, how you engage and how you interact with people. So I heard your tendencies on how you’re getting the need for that growth and contribution met. So then you’ve got choice. So how are you going to do it? What are you going to say? Who are you going to reach out to so if you know you want to grow, you know, you want a certain kind of meaning and purpose in your life that has to do with push productions. You know, your behavioral tendencies require certain things for you, you know, who you work with how you work with? What’s the structure, then what are you going to choose to say do or behave around people. So the more you know this, the more that golden arches choice is yours, you’re, you’re engaged, and you’re more likely to do things that build understanding and connection. So that’s why this is such a magical. It’s not so much that it’s magic. But it really can produce amazing results. If you dig into this needs onion. So take the opportunity. Next time you’re faced with maybe something that’s showing up as tension in your body, you’re noticing some kind of discord or some disconnect, try to figure out what the needs are. Now I actually use some different tools to connect me to the needs. So in our community lessons, we have the feelings wheel. If folks remember, there’s sort of those core feelings. And then as we move out the wheel, it gets more nuanced need to the same way, there’s sort of those seven in the middle, and then they get more nuanced. You can google list of needs, I use these decks of cards, they’re called grok, cards ger, okay. And they have a list of feelings or a set of cards that are feelings, and a set of cards that are needs. There’s many other tools out there. But that’s what I use to help me get connected, like, what am I needing right now what’s going on for me, you know, I’m noticing that I’m sad or irritated or I’m frustrated. What’s the need? Once I know that, suddenly, there might be so many different pathways I can go to get that need met, I might be a bit irritated because I thought there was only one way like this other person has to behave a certain way or this need to be met. Well, if I focus on the need, suddenly, oh, I can actually take this work path. Or I can actually engage a co worker and a different department a different way to get that need met, or I can hang out with this set of friends to get that there’s suddenly so many possibilities, the choices open up. But we may not know what that is, until we take the time to connect the need. There’s no one way to meet a need. There’s many ways we are complex beings. And I love for people to have more knowledge of those beautiful needs. I know that sounds super flowery. It’s, it’s what we do each day, it’s how we show up. Now, there’s another way to do it too, is maybe you find yourself in a place of delight, or laughing or really enjoying a co worker. Think about this when you’re about to have your party, the going away party and all these folks are going to be coming up to you and showering you with their perspective. What needs were met with those different people that you worked with, you know, I’ve had coworkers who met my need for play and companionship I’ve met co I’ve had coworkers, who totally met my need for efficiency, and clarity and productivity. You know, what specifically did they do that meant that what was their behavior that met that need? This is how we can communicate back and forth. Like, hey, when you sent me that email, with a request that you put on there, please respond by this date, ah, totally met my need for predictability and order. So I knew what to do and when, if it didn’t have that I might not have even responded because I’d forget about it, whatever that might be. So we can use this in many ways in which we engage our self awareness whether we’re feeling tension, whether we’re feeling delight, whatever that might be the overarching invitation is to dig in. Build your self awareness. Know what your needs are, nobody is here to judge your needs. They are what they are, they just exist. It’s how you behave around those needs that matter. If you choose a poor strategy that creates disconnection, you might get a lot of judgment and blame and consequences you weren’t longing for. If you engage in behave in a way that creates connection, understanding, you might find your relationships and your work much richer,
Adam Salgat 30:27
Jules, you have done such a wonderful job of reminding me that this needs slide that every behavior is an expression of need, has so much more to do with our own needs to look like, for example, when this was brought up, I immediately started thinking about every behavior is an expression of need. And I started thinking about my kids, and I started thinking about how I use it, often when I see them. And I use it, when I think about the person on Facebook who posted a political meme that I don’t agree with, or whatever it might be, it might even be a sports meme that I don’t agree with, right. And I think about how this applies to working through a potential agreement or acceptance with them. But today, you’ve made me realize just how deep this goes on a self actualization and how much that can mean to them even help me look at it like I initially thought so. And I think we are, we’re already at about 30 Some minutes. So I don’t want to step into the reverse, you know, how we said we can kind of work from outside in, I think that’s another podcast. And I really want to leave this space, the way that we have left it in the idea of looking at self actualization, understanding what our bodies do, understanding what our behaviors are, and asking ourselves, Why do we feel this way? What’s causing this? What can I do about it? What choices can I make and and ask ourselves? Why does that matter so much. So I’m not quite ready to wrap it up, because I want to make sure that you have shared everything that you want to in that space. So I’m going to give you that opportunity. Now, if there’s anything else you want to add in the idea of utilizing this needs on you. And the need slide. As an opportunity to become self aware, please add on now.
Jules Maloney 32:10
You know, it’s one of those things where I don’t even know what I said. So I’ll play it. Probably what you heard made sense. I know, there were a couple spots there, where it’s like, Whoa, where she going? She’s going out there. But I hope I brought it back in a way that made sense. And absolutely, I would love to talk about this more, I’d love to bring in Mickey to bring in the parenting perspective, and and how we can observe behaviors and kids and be able to walk backwards and guess what their needs are. And from there, find ways to get everybody’s needs met just maybe at different times. So I think there’s more to come on this topic.
Adam Salgat 32:44
I believe so too. And like I said, I think taking the opportunity to think about yourself first, I know is gonna help me when I do need to buy it in the reverse in a way and trying to figure out what’s going on with my kids or like I said, working through someone else’s potential needs or what their behaviors are trying to understand them when maybe they don’t align with mine. Yes,
Jules Maloney 33:06
I so appreciate you saying that. The more you see it in yourself, the more likely you’re going to be able to see it and identify it and others.
Adam Salgat 33:13
That’s awesome. So I’m gonna put you on the spot a little bit, I want to ask you about a key takeaway. So one thing that I want you to toss out there for listeners to ponder to listen to, to think about. As we finish up the podcast, I
Jules Maloney 33:27
think the key takeaway is to know that your needs matter, and that there are many needs that are common ground for all of us. So take the time to understand what your needs are in different situations. And that will serve you in so many ways and how you understand yourself, celebrate yourself, build your skills, but also how you see and celebrate and build skills and other people.
Adam Salgat 33:50
Welfare, Jules, thank you so much. And tonight, our lions, my lions face your packers, whether you’ve bought a packer shirt or not, so I’m just gonna send this off with a go lions.
Jules Maloney 34:02
I didn’t even know they were playing.
Adam Salgat 34:04
No, I kinda. I thought you might not have been on that sports level. But it was kind of cool that you mentioned it. And it was an interesting point about how sports really do just you get that connection, that immediate connection and it’s interesting for yourself while you change your perspective on on that a little bit as you start to understand it differently. Thanks so much. I appreciate you being on the podcast.
Jules Maloney 34:26
Thank you Adam for great base for us to explore this